Medical Excuse
by MysticSpiritus
Summary: Reeve goes shopping for a young ninja's birthday. It's not a your average store either. Oh, yes. This is a Reeve/Yuffie. You have been warned. Nominated for Best Het Romance in the Genesis Awards.


**Disclaimer: I want to own them, but I can't. Damn.**

_Mystic: Is the world coming to an end? No, but it seems that way because the Mystic is writing a Reeve/Yuffie! Oh, the horror of plot ideas! And now there is an image of one of my friends dancing for joy because I am not writing a Yuffentine. Actually, that's not a bad image, but keep dancing buddy ol' pal and enjoy it while you can. I will be updating I Won't Go Home Without You shortly. For the fun of it, I'll mention another old fav couple too. Vincent/Tifa anyone? There's also a line in here that surprisingly, did not originate from me. Mwuahaha._

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Pleasure's. Edge's one stop romance shop.

Not a typical place to see WRO Commisioner, Reeve Tuesti. Most individuals wouldn't find it typical anyway. Reeve, on the other hand, thought the store was a fitting place to buy a gift for a young kunoichi on her twenty-first birthday. Call the man old-fashioned, but he firmly believed a lady on her birthday deserved candles, wine, and a cake baked in the shape of a phallus. Naturally, the candles would be placed at the very tip of the head ...

Right, and one wondered why Cait Sith chose to remain at headquarters. One more pussy reference and the robotic cat threatened to scream so loud, the hounds of hellfire would be unleashed. Or, at the very least, Chaos would return. That wouldn't be wise though, as Vincent's old friend would just make fun of the android feline. Cait Sith in a romance store? No way, no how.

All alone, Reeve ventured into Pleasure's. A lovely saleswoman walked over to him and requested a valid form of identification. He flashed her his WRO badge along with a pleasant smile to prove that he was indeed over the age of eighteen. Now granted permission to enter, the sexy man with a goatee was free to browse the many goods. His first step was toward the lingerie section. A seductive satin number that still borderlined on romantic caught his eye. No lace, which was all well and good (Yuffie _hated_ lace), but instead, the top streamlined down to flare slightly at the hips and was accompanied by a matching tie-on g-string. His verdict? Yuffie would love it. Even better, the price was modest.

The relationship between Reeve and Yuffie had been interesting recently. Their innocent flirting around the office had become a bit of a game for the two. It was simple really; who could make the other blush first? No touching, only suggestive phrases or glimpses. The game had been tied at one point; Yuffie making Reeve turn crimson at the mention of massage oil that heated up when you blew on it, and Reeve returning the favor by mentioning that same massage oil on Yuffie's neck. He didn't suspect that her neck would be her hotspot, but apparently, even mentioning anything suggestive with her jugular was enough to get her hormones racing like wild idiots.

Yuffie felt for sure that round three would end in another victory for her when she began a lengthy discussion on a man's ... 'essence' so to speak. Reeve though, not to be outdone, decided to stop her racy talk by planting one long, deep, and completely spine-tingling kiss on her. He left her breathless and unable to talk. She had no idea that his tongue could do _that_.

That was the first leap into the waters of unforbidden territory. He broke the rules. Thankfully, the WRO rules and regulations contained nothing on relationships between co-workers. Everything they were doing was completely legal according to the new order. Alas, it wasn't legal in Cait Sith's eyes. He witnessed that kiss between the commisioner and the ninja and it made him want to claw his eyes out. It was about as hideous as walking in on Tifa kneeling between Vincent's legs. Oh, sure. _They_ were enjoying it, but Cait Sith demanded that Reeve remove his memory chip so not to ever recall watching the buxom brunette going down on the gunslinger.

Dammit, Reeve said no; the heartless bastard.

Of course, Mr. Tuesti was never really heartless. He wanted to make Yuffie's monumental birthday special, which perfectly explained why he was currently looking at the different brands of massaging oils and creams. The satin negligee was slung across his arm as he was lost in debate over scented versus flavored, jells versus slick oils, or warming versus tingling. Which one would Yuffie prefer when he smoothed it across her neck in a sensuous massage that most likely lead to other things? Oh, the images that were running through his mind ...

"What do you mean I need a medical excuse?!"

A very familiar shrill voice echoed in the store of romantic goodness. Reeve turned to see his birthday lady at the checkout counter, arguing with the saleswoman from before. He quickly found a massage cream that was exactly how Yuffie described in their earlier battle. This particular brand also advertised the faint scent of fresh fruit. Taking it from the shelf, he strolled over to the counter where it seemed the ninja was in a losing battle.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry," the saleswoman began, "by Edge City law, you must have a valid medical reason to purchase this device."

"Fine!" Yuffie huffed and crossed her arms. "How about this then? Hi, I'm allergic to real cock and that's why I need this dildo!"

"Number twelve."

Yuffie looked down at a nearby sheet of paper that listed several "medical excuses" and cheerfully checked off the twelfth one. "Specific allergies in the genital area resulting in a difficult to achieve orgasm."

"What a pity, Yuffie." She jumped at the smooth, male voice behind her. "I was unaware of your unfortunate distress."

"Reeve!" she shrieked. "Wha ... What are you doing here?"

"My orgasms can be quite painful," he spoke with a straight face. Number seven was checked off with a flourish.

She eyeballed the piece of blue fabric being placed in his shopping bag. "And the negligee helps you how?"

"You'd be surprised."

"Surprise me, Reeve."

"Come to my apartment tonight, Yuffie. I can give you that massage you've always talked about."

A blush appeared on her face as he leaned down to give her a swift peck on her cheek. He felt her warm flush and knew this round was his. What a birthday celebration indeed. Yuffie turned back to the saleswoman as Reeve left the store with a victorious smirk splayed on that goatee. She placed her hands on the countertop and leaned in close.

"What kind of bondage restraints do you guys have?" she asked with a sly grin. "My back has been bothering me."

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Mystic: Don't worry, Vincent/Yuffie will always be first in my heart, but this pairing has got me hooked for some reason. I'll definately be writing more later on. Tell me what you guys think, okay? Oh, and the whole, "allergic to cock" line came from that fountain of inspiration that is my young ward. Couldn't resist.


End file.
